Bomb Shelters

I guess I seperate the time together from the time apart. I am very good at compartmentalized behavior. Like this element and that element never actually mix. Certain time periods again because of this are always good or always bad.

When we were talking yesterday - you were talking about the exaltation/diminishing behavior. Long after we were off the phone, I was delving back into anything I said to make you feel less or smaller. I was literally trying to piece out times when I was cruel or hurtful.

But I have these silos built. These bomb shelters where I can see no hurt or suffering or anything untoward.

I have these relationship memories where everything was good and just. To the point where I was literally like.. what on earth does she mean, I don't usually say hurtful things to make her feel less than she is.

In my life, I have memory holed the bad stuff in regards to you. It's in a little vault over there (points) where our break-ups go. Like that is an ugly little dungeon where I am allowed to say hurtful things when I am hurt.

But over here, this right here, where we talk.. we have our elysian beginnings, this is where we fall in love, stay in love, and enjoy our time together. When you bring up me being diminishing on this side of the spectrum I was thoroughly confused.

Like I didn't cut you down over breakfast or what you were wearing. I wasn't cruel to you about not wanting to go somewhere or what you did on your day off. In my mind our relationship rings with such uncomplicated bliss. I can't fathom any missed opportunity to be kinder or gentler or sweeter.

I find myself feeling absolutely perplexed by the fact that you felt exalted and diminished in our relationship, but quite honestly that's because I have coalesced our entire time together into this mystical fairy tale where we were forever after.